June 3rd, 2003, at a sensitive ten years old, my hero fell. Cubs outfielder and supper slugger, Sammy Sosa shattered his bat revealing bits of illegal cork were contained inside. The umpire immediately ejected Sosa from the game, and from hero status in my mind. Later that year, the Cubs lost the National League championship, one win away from their first World Series in 58 years. A lot of people blamed Steve Bartman, but I blamed Sosa. He upset the baseball gods, and he shattered my heart. It’s hard to be a 10 year old betrayed by someone you respect, but it happens all the time. Sports heroes revered for their natural abilities, take drugs. Political leaders accept bribes. Religious leaders have affairs. Parents get divorced, break promises, or fail to keep kids safe. Teachers treat students unfairly. Friends flake, exclude, demean, insult and ignore. We find out our country was built on genocide and slavery. We find out our heritage isn’t as dignified as we had dreamed. We find out the beautiful earth we were charged to care for is being treated terribly. This has led me to say with conviction on more than one occasion, “wow, humans suck.” And sometimes that’s all there is to say. The trouble is, I’m a human. And if I believe I suck there is a good chance I will devalue myself, get depressed, and squander my gift of life. So, in an age of information, in a culture of heightened awareness and accountability where all of the unrighteous guilt of humanity is laid bare, the question I’m trying to answer is: how can I reconcile everything I know without ending in a depressed “humans suck” mindset? Here's a summary of my trial and error. Option 1: Blissful ignorance: pretend the bad things don’t exist. Positivity leads to longer life and increased happiness. I 100% prescribe optimism. Unfortunately, ignorance is not optimism, and it gets tricky to have all the facts and stay optimistic. So, in the name of preservation, it becomes easier to stop addressing the facts. It’s like weeding the garden, pretending the weeds aren't there doesn't make them disappear, in the same way pretending the facts aren't there just means they come back around in a bigger way. Option 2: Buy in: Humans DO suck. I can hold every sucky deed and every sucky person to the flame and live my days distrustful, indignant and righteously angry. And I would be justified to do so. But research tells me I will likely die bitter, possibly friendless and quite young—hating myself just as much as I hate everyone else. Option 3: is in beta for me, and probably always will be. It doesn't have a two word title; it’s the more difficult version. I can acknowledge people are complex, cultures and opinions vary, and societies change and evolve. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have principles and beliefs that are important to me, and I can lean on those for boundaries. I can rely on some universal truths as common ground, and most importantly I can live outside myself. I can do my part. The thing about option 1 and option 2 is they put me in a state of separation, I am in the stands and not on the field, in the action. And life, to me, is about action. I do not want to be a bystander and commentator living my days in distant disdain or blissful ignorance; I want to be a participant for every waking minute until I take my final breath. So, I reconcile. And it’s hard work, because life is not simple.It is full of nuance and complexity. But for the sake of simplicity, the best way I can reconcile the past is to learn from it, so as not to repeat the bad, and to strive to emulate the good. I acknowledge I cannot change the way the land I live on was acquired, but I can live with honor, respect, and humility. I cannot control whether political leaders make poor choices, but I can do my best to be an educated voter and to respect the system. (Or I could move counties, states, or countries because the U.S., and the world, offer a buffet of social governance for any individual need). I cannot control whether spiritual leaders have affairs, but I can put my confidence in a faith system and a God, rather than an individual, and I can strive to be a Christ follower perpetuating a tradition of kindness and servanthood reflective of its ultimate leader. I’ve forgiven Sammy Sosa, and after writing this am actually grateful for his role in steering me away from hero worship at an early age. He was a gifted athlete and he did the wrong thing, and I know exactly why he did it. People expected him to be the best, and he didn’t want to let them down. It doesn’t make it ok, but I know as a human I’m susceptible to the same type of thought processes, and I’ve made similar mistakes. But the next time the pressure gets to me, instead of taking the edge and hoping no one sees, I can do the right thing and put in the work, knowing I may not hit a home run, but I won’t break a 10-year old’s heart.
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I'm a Hoosier. I like the outdoors. Taxes are my job. I write for a living. This Blog
Writing my way to an adult life of minimalism, sustainability, and joy rooted in Truth. I'm learning, unlearning, and relearning.
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