At least half my siblings were openly weeping, myself included, as we waited silently for my dad to continue speaking. In large family fashion we were congregated, some sitting on couches, chairs, armrests, some standing, some swaying back and forth to keep children hushed or sleeping. Early summer sunshine streamed in the living room windows. Commemoration brought us together. Celebration of a finish line. Nine graduated students and nearly 30 years of home education complete.
Each of us gave a small speech, and then Mom and Dad in conclusion were asked “how did you do it?”. Through tears of her own mom conveyed her gratitude and encouraged us to stress less and trust more. And in poignant and simple fashion my father said, “we [your mother and I] were obedient.” This week I finished an encouraging read called “Celebration of Discipline”. The closing chapter is all about joy, and Foster’s words revived this memory. “In the spiritual life only one thing will produce genuine joy, and that is obedience. . .To elicit genuine celebration, obedience must work itself into the ordinary fabric of our daily lives.” The little caveat to joy in the title I have listed is essential. Joy rooted in truth. Joy and happiness are different. This is not news. Happiness is momentary and joy is pervasive. Joy is what all of us intensely desire because it is the genuine, authentic, goodness life has to offer. It is the overflowing of one’s cup. In my life, this definition is how minimalism, and sustainability meld with joy, and it is why obedience is the essential ingredient. In my last post I quoted a leading researcher in “whole-hearted living” who said, abundance is available when we lose a mindset of scarcity. Abundance is attainable by letting go of the striving in a paradoxical effort to be content and in this way experience growth. In Simon Sinek’s case studies in “Start with Why” he reiterates the principle: trust inspires loyalty. In letting go of a desire to control, I position myself in a way where I am more prepared to receive than if I attempted to be manipulative and power hungry. Said another way, the humility to recognize I can never own everything or know everything or be everything or do everything leads to contentment knowing I may miss out, but it will be ok. This is the principle mindset of minimalism, and this is the essence of obedience, because it stems from something deeper than a moment. In all my own vain striving and struggle for power and control I can evaluate my circumstances by submitting my current desire to some overarching value. Obedience necessitates humility and trust. It requires me to put something else above myself. Consistently. Not because I must, but because I want to. Obedience is the lighter burden. A lighter burden we bear up every day. A burden of perseverance to the hard path of vulnerability and faith. In place of this challenge most of us turn to mind-numbing media, to pointing fingers at other people, struggling for power, or just not caring about anything. Most of us means me. Suffering happens, and somehow, I’m tasked with overcoming it and still being vulnerable and still having faith? I would rather put a lid on my cup and avoid all the potential for suffering. But joy is not possible without vulnerability, and vulnerability is not possible without acceptance of our inability to know and control everything, and this acceptance is not possible without humility, and humility is not possible without elevation of something else above the self. Consistently. Even when it is difficult. Subversion and submission are requirements for joy. This week I celebrated the third anniversary of my marriage to a wonderful human. I do not think 3 years makes me a marriage expert, but what I have learned is that marriage is difficult because I’m really good at getting in my own way. It is constant consideration and constant vulnerability. Learning to trust, to release my own shame, to be vulnerable and honest, to accept pain when it comes and healing when it comes, to be less judgmental, to be more patient, and to nurture growth by balancing courage and compassion, these things are endlessly difficult. They require me to be obedient to a vow rooted in love when I want to be selfish and indulge something fleeting. It is easy to seek out comfort and pleasure and to believe these things are joy. It is easy to commit our bodies to hard work and forget about joy. But in fact, these are large gates that are easy to get in to and side step joy altogether. Joy is deep and pervasive. It goes all the way through the body and the mind and into the past and the future. It permeates our sense of being. Happiness, pleasure, comfort, effort and strain, they hit small parts of the body in innocuous ways. They are fleeting gratifications and a partial filling. Joy is the overflowing. Happiness is a conquest. Joy, for me, is waking up in the morning and love rushing in to my heart because I kissed her warm cheek and it started a feeling of adoration coursing through my body and shooting out the toes and fingers and eyes while the all-consuming thought in my brain is, “this gorgeous creature married me?” This type of joy for me runs deep and collides with love and hope and faith. It is what gives me the ability to persist, and to let go and to trust that love is deeper than my striving, it is smarter than my petty attempts to control, it is truer than my shame, it is more powerful than my defensive manipulations, it is humbler and more dedicated than my martyrdom, and it is more graceful than my bitterness. Love exists in the purity of joy, and joy in truth, and truth in this, that whoever should be first shall be last, and whoever shall be great must be humbled, and there is a never-ending stream and faithful guide who, if I should follow in obedience, will fill my cup abundantly. If only I would stop and remove the lid.
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I'm a Hoosier. I like the outdoors. Taxes are my job. I write for a living. This Blog
Writing my way to an adult life of minimalism, sustainability, and joy rooted in Truth. I'm learning, unlearning, and relearning.
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