My spot in creation holds more value than I can fathom. It impacts trees and bears and flowers and people and cities and roads. Creation is large and complex, and every part matters. My part matters. My spot in creation adds value and My spot in creation holds more value than I can fathom. It says I am essential. It says I am important. It says my atoms are dust and my breath is God. My spot in creation says I am a we. And we are connected; we are interdependent; we are required; we are supportive and active. My spot in creation defies isolation. It celebrates individualization but relinquishes selfish desire. My spot in creation embraces its value and My spot in creation holds more value than I can fathom. It accepts flaws. It mourns. It acknowledges death; and it dies. It rejoices; and it lives. It is restored to the eternal beauty God designed. It returns to dust to give back value and My spot in creation is more valuable than I can fathom. My spot in creation loves the creator. It worships. It is worship. It loves; and it is love. This is my spot. Right here. Where I am. My spot in creation knows its worth. Knows its impact. Knows its place. And it is more valuable than I can fathom. Happy Holidays! Life is a gift. Know your worth. Pass it on. Keep living. Here’s a link to a poem Agape is something of the understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill for all men. It is a love that seeks nothing in return. It is an overflowing love; it's what theologians would call the love of God working in the lives of men. And when you rise to love on this level, you begin to love men, not because they are likeable, but because God loves them." Martin Luther King Jr.
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Sometimes reflections are deceiving. My family has several treasured holiday traditions and in tumultuous times I rely on glossy memories of the past. But brains are wired to remember partial, not full, memories and in my reflection I omit stress, sleeplessness, and anxiety and remember bustling activity, warm lights and delicious food. An impertinent Present feels no obligation to live up to my memories of the past. The first time my wife and I attended each other's Christmases I put high expectations on my families celebration. Any small stray from perfection threw me into a glass case of emotion. Lesson 1: embrace the warmth of tradition and anticipation without rigid expectation. There is beauty in the variance.
This realization lead to a quick lesson 2: splitting holidays can be a struggle. I love my in-laws, I love having more holiday celebrations and I love having more strong family support, but when there are more people to plan with it is easier to let things be implicit or assumed. There are books and books and books on marriage and parenting and business and every other aspect of life hinging on the concept of communicating expectation. Here is the summary, “listening is loving”. When I block out time to listen to the souls of others and have presence of mind to wholly engage in a moment with the people in my life, there is more value in those relationships than ever before. Listening means participating in the discussion with the other party in mind and understanding what they are thinking and saying instead of telling them what to think and what to say. Listening is quite possibly the greatest gift to give, because when I listen I can say, “my heart understands where you are and what you desire.” When I am a better listener I am a better gift giver. In gift-giving culture there is this problem of reciprocity. Sometimes I say to myself. “I have to find a gift by the 25th what will they like?” I succeed most when I say, “I really love this person, how can I communicate that to them?” An obligation makes a gift an economic exchange and robs the gift of its love. (A good example of this is the foundational message of Christian salvation). If I expect something because of my long list of good deeds I would deserve it. But then it’s not a gift; it's a paycheck. On the receiving end, expecting a gift can lead to heavy disappointment and even bitterness. Giving from love not obligation and accepting with gratitude rather than expectation allows for multiplication of joy and limits downside potential. Downside potential I have, unfortunately, plunged into on several occasions. Some of these occasions were the result of dependent habits I've cultivated over the years. I'm working to replace these with interdependent habits by reminding myself my foundational worth does not come from other humans. When I place the base of my identity and value in another person or a group of people (which I have done many times), I am consistently let down. Anyone who has witnessed “the look” when someone opens their gift, or who has not received the gift they hoped for, knows exactly what I mean. To maximize the joy of Christmas we must not put the whole of our hope in people. Here’s a great C.S. Lewis quote. “We must go on to recognize the real Giver. It is madness not to. Because, if we do not, we shall be relying on human beings. And that is going to let us down. The best of them will make mistakes; all of them will die…never, never pin your whole faith on any human being… There are lots of nice things you can do with sand: but do not try building a house on it.” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity. Dear Reader, if you have arrived at this point, thank you for reading. Anticipate Christmas eagerly, all of Christmas. Even the Christmas your brain forgets. It will be imperfect. It will be different than you remember. It will not go as planned. It will be wonderful. Love it all. Like any good Midwesterner I’m an expert at ruining a compliment. Good writing? Grammatical errors, inconsistencies, poor construction. Nice outfit? On sale, threw it together, this shirt has a stain that’s hard to see. Good play? Got lucky, finally did something right. Reflecting on this is agonizing because it’s obvious thievery. I’ve robbed a moment of its goodness, and I’ve robbed a compliment of its purpose. For me this denial is rooted in fear. Fear to enjoy success in case it is fleeting, fear to soak in the good lest it make me prideful. Lately, I’ve been attempting to say, “thank you”. Or “you’re welcome” or smile when someone acknowledges my efforts rather than staring sheepishly at the floor or explaining why they are wrong. Christmas is a great time to practice this because more terrifying gifts, compliments and encouragements seem to fly at me than any other time of year. All this warm fuzziness wants to bubble up, and I’m trying to swat it back before I let it all the way into my heart. But, what if I embrace it? What if I treasure these feelings and let them direct the way I practice and speak? Luke closes out the Christmas story with these words, “Mary treasured these things and pondered them in her heart.” Mary took it all in—the rejoicing shepherds, the stable birth, the star of Bethlehem. She treasured it; she thought about it repeatedly. A few chapters later in Luke's account of the sermon on the mount Jesus says, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart… the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” When the fruit is good, and I soak up the goodness, I am much more likely to repeat than if I brush it aside. There should be no shame or guilt in enjoying the pleasure from praise or pausing for elation from a milestone achievement. It encourages fixation on positivity and repetition rather than negativity and failure. C.S. Lewis said it best in the “Pride” chapter of Mere Christianity, “Pleasure in being praised is not pride. The child who is patted on the back for doing a lesson well, the woman whose beauty is praised by her lover, the saved soul to whom Christ says, ‘Well done’ are pleased and ought to be.” Contemporary neuroscientists agree with these ideas. Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychiatrist and best-selling author encourages people to pause and embrace wonderful moments. “Savor the experience. It’s delicious! Make it last by staying with it for 5, 10, even 20 seconds; don’t let your attention skitter off to something else. The longer that something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory. . . . if someone is good to you, let the feeling of being cared about bring warmth to your whole chest. Pay particular attention to the rewarding aspects of the experience—for example, how good it feels to get a great big hug from someone you love.” Here is the truth: the sneaky lie saying I should not let those nice, warm, wholesome things sink all the way in, comes from a negative place. It’s a lie preventing positivity from making deep roots in my heart. It’s a lie hindering goodness in my actions and my words. When I store up those glowing moments and expand my capacity for happiness, I expand the stores from which I deliver love. If I only accept the love I believe I deserve I'll have little love to pass along. And when it seems love has dried up I will be quick to jump to insecurity and despair. The trick is to accept but not expect. Expectation ruins Christmas. Acceptance makes it radiant. More on expecting and accepting another time. For now, dear reader, happy holy days! I encourage you to let goodness happen. Soak it in. Treasure it, and let it fuel your actions and your words. |
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I'm a Hoosier. I like the outdoors. Taxes are my job. I write for a living. This Blog
Writing my way to an adult life of minimalism, sustainability, and joy rooted in Truth. I'm learning, unlearning, and relearning.
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